Drink Mango Tea: Class of 2010

Mucho Mango Arizona Tea... isn't that great. But sometimes when you have no other options left, you go for one that you know you can somewhat stand. At least you have something to drink when it's really hot outside.

I was sitting, drinking the mediocre tea and it occurred to me that the class of 2010 is in that same situation.  My class will have the highest unemployment rate to date. And, to top that off, besides competing with many of our other skilled peers for not many job positions, many companies are thinking of requiring at least one years work experience. Gee. How... nice.

My take on this?

It's our time.  To prove that we're not too proud to take the jobs where they are. To drink the Mango Tea.

To take the jobs we can get, try to find better ones, but not be ashamed or unwilling to take the job working as cashiers, manual labor, the stupid intern- whatever it may be, despite the promise of jobs when we went into college. Jobs with prestige and salaries.

I am glad I went to college. I'm also infinitely glad that I learned to not make my work ethic dependent on college.* Instead, to be able to work diligently and take the opportunities whether or not I deserve better. I've endured some of the most horrid and random jobs out there, from ditch digging, selling fine jewelry, childcare, road flagger, Home Depot employee, tour guide, hiring and training, etc. None of those are necessarily what I want my career to be, but that's not the point.




*Some would argue it's better out of college...

In Memory of a Massacre

Cross Country Terror.

Rumors of Victims.  

                           

The world will never be the same.  

It was the most murderous gun rampage in U.S. history: 32 people dead, more than a dozen injured.It was the most murderous gun rampage in U.S. history: 32 people dead, more than a dozen injured.

Textbook case killer, he was called...

Hours, days spanned before we knew...

Facebook support groups emerged... with devastation.


I was a freshman at Hillsdale then, here in Michigan, approximately 700 miles from Virginia. I lived in Virginia for about 9 years or so, going to a Christian, classical, private school there from 5th grade until graduation. It was difficult, it was small, and I still have some amazing friends that I speak to often, even now years and years later. I'd decided to go to college out of state, where many of my friends decided to go with state tuition, and VA does have many amazing colleges and universities.

I got out of American Heritage, with Dr. Mitchell, an exhausting day. I don't remember what time it was, but I got out of class in a rush having noticed I'd missed many calls from friends back home, something a bit odd for a Monday afternoon. I called Sara, my best girlfriend back...

"Hannah! have you heard from Andrew? Is he ok? What about Shawn??"

"Huh? What are you talking about... " 

lost and confused could not even beging to describe trying to put the pieces together of the snippets of things I was hearing.  What she babbled to me all in a rush was if I had heard from Andrew because of the massive shooting that was going on, or had happened at Virginia Tech that morning. At that point, there was so much confusion as to what was the state of things... if the shooter was alive, if there was more than one, how many victims, etc.  The Andrew she mentioned was my crazy but awesome friend Andrew, who she mistakenly thought went to Vtech, but who attended UVA.  That was an amazing relief, knowing he was safe. Shawn also did not attend Vtech, she was glad to remember... 

I was standing outside of Lane Hall, on the grass. It was warm outside, the sun was shining. Students were milling about, I could hear their idle chatter in the background. But I was no longer a part of this campus. I was processing what I had just realized; what the others did not know but soon would- how the world would never be the same. 

->That a student at a major, popular and highly respected university had constructed a plot to kill as many students and faculty as possible,

  and had succeeded. 

I didn't know how many yet, except that even initial counts put it as the highest body count and bloodiest school shooting to date. It was beyond history, it was a massacre. 

Through the grapevine of our school, I also slowly found out that all my former schoolmates were safe and had not been harmed. I secluded myself in my room to watch news reports, scan all aspects of the media to learn as much as I could. I'd never felt so distanced and so stranded from where I wanted to be. 

Such research revealed a horrifying thing... there were a number of students still missing and unaccounted for, among them Nicole White, a friend from the youth group at my church. 

Facebook groups emerged with urgents calls to pray for her, and I stayed glued to it's updates from the people who were more connected. Phone calls were exchanged, but as every minute passed, it was soon known to us what was soon announced: Nicole had been in the class that Cho Seung-Hui had attacked. 

I don't think I went to class for the next two days. Too much had happened, too much to process, and being separated from my friends and family who were in pain and taking part in a state-wide period of grieving was surreal.  I felt kind of stranded in Hillsdale, where people were shocked but distinctly separate, and moved on with feelings of 

"I'm so glad that wouldn't happen here"  

"If anything like that started, enough Hillsdale people would have guns to stop him!"

Ah yes. The whole question of gun control then came up again, and again, and again. How did Seung-Hui make it through the screening? 

So many questions of how this could have been avoided. If Seung-Hui was such a textbook case, then why weren't his threats taken more seriously? How did people not notice? Or was that part of the problem to begin with- that he had gone completely unnoticed by his peers, step one of alienating him entirely from the people he soon planned to murder. 

Antisocial Personality Disorder- that all that there is to say about the cause for the tragedy? I don't think so. 

But at this time, I'm laying aside the questions my major has equipped me to ask and sometimes answer. It's a time to remember, to honor the legacy of those who were killed, and to join with their families, who will not be able to forget or truly move on. It's another aspect of perspective... 

realizing the world that we live in is sometimes volatile, and our lives can be changed in an instant by someone we may never have known or interacted with, but when lives collide, cannot be undone. It's a harsh remembrance that life is unpredictable, nothing really is for sure as long as it is in the hands of mankind. 

so live with meaning. 

Ugh, exhausted.

I'm sitting here wearing a pirate flag as a cape.
It's simply necessary, that's all I know how to describe it.

What a busy, tiring weekend. Thankfully today is only Saturday, so tomorrow I can rest some?

SO many wedding details tackled. And I'm blessed enough to have a wonderful fiance who will actually help me make decisions, or just simply make them when I'm past caring or just can't. Shopping for decorations. Measuring stages. Buying fabric. Packing up all my kitchen stuff so I don't have to sort it later. Boxing it. Carrying it. It... doesn't seem to end. My energy and patience sure do though...

Practicing hair and make up for the big day. Thank God, my friend Shannon is doing that. She's amazing. I don't have to stress about money or someone who won't know me and my style (whatever that is, honestly...)

I still haven't managed to unpack from Spring Break, from which I got back Monday. Not that difficult... you'd think.

Jason was here for a good bit of the week, it was fantastic. I'm tired of the traveling, tired of the phone calls and text messages. It's been over three years now, and I'm simply, ready to be his wife. To be done with this long distance.

Someone recently asked me how I handle the long distance relationship, and it made me realize I was in one. Gee, but honestly, after Alaska, with the 5,000 miles and 4 hour time difference when both of us were working, Chicago to Hillsdale when we talk everyday and I see him maybe twice a month- never occurred to me to be distance.

well, I hate it now. I won't see him again until the Graduation/Wedding weekend, which now the count is a month to.

We've grown so much in the Lord, in listening to Him and figuring out our priorities. We've seen the best and yes, the worst in each other. Well, ok, not quite maybe, but definitely close. We've been wise, we've been foolish, we've definitely been silly. I'm tired of the waiting, very close to being tired of planning, and I'm looking forward to our most average and uneventful days, or weeks even.

A month is a long time when you have this much to do. It definitely requires a cape.

Perspective

Perspective is something that is important, and I get constantly frustrated with myself about. My natural tendency is to be incredibly self-involved, and this is not what I want, nor who I should be. It's not even fun or really has any true allure to it, so in this instance- denial of self isn't even something that should seem difficult.

What perspective do I want? I want one where I remember daily, or better yet, every minute, why my life exists. Why I am who I am, and why I have been given the awesome and incredible gift of not being meaningless, having purpose, and beyond that, able to have joy. Not happiness, but joy. And there is definitely a difference.

It was this same battle that led to the design of my first tattoo. I started writing it on my wrist my junior year of high school in typical high-school fashion, with black sharpie. I did it every day until my freshman year in college, and had decided to get it inked when one of my best friends offered to give me the tattoo as a birthday present. Thus it happened, and I've not regretted it once. Not even when it was a little itchy right afterwards.

So what is it's meaning? What's so important that it's something I know I'll never regret getting permanently underneath my skin? In a place that some would say is fairly visible?

As stated before, I'm a prideful person. I like to make lots of little plans in my head, and I like to analyze things. Personality tendencies are no excuse, when I know better. And my entire life, I'll be fighting- as Christians would say, to deny the desires of my flesh and be transformed to desire the things of God. 

In those moments when my confidence and security in my identity crosses the line to attitudes of superiority, and being judgmental, when my plans are simply self-centered, and when my analysis is not for the benefit of self-sacrifice and seeking wisdom but overly critical thoughts and unnecessary doubts: this is why I got the tattoo.

It's a reminder of so many aspects of Christ. What it means to be a Christian, especially in my own struggles. Who Christ is, and what His plan is, and where I fit into it.

It's two parts. Part 1:
the line is greater than the dot.
It's more like math than art. I love symbolism, (note I make a distinction between symbolism and ritual), and there's a great deal behind this. I am the dot. Essentially, my life only has meaning, and is worth anything when it's in the perspective of something greater than myself- the will and desire of God. What matters is His plan, and my life should be oriented around Christ and His priorities. Not my own. It's about seeking wisdom, and living in a way that is beyond mediocrity, beyond blending. The line is straight and narrow, it's exclusive, it can be offensive, it's powerful. God can take something broken, that  is useless and doesn't have much of a purpose ( I could have said point, but that's a horrible pun).

Part 2:
Upwards facing transparent arrow. 


This is a reminder that my life is not my own, and consequently I don't want my life to bring attention to myself, but rather point to God. The design indicates that the important part- is what the arrow is pointing at, not the arrow itself. Simple, and it's purpose is to be invisible. As noted before- this isn't something that comes naturally to me. But it's something I desire very much.

Scripture that specifically influenced my thoughts on my design include:

He must become greater; I must become less. John 3:30

As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. 1 Peter 4:2 

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. Ephesians 4: 1-6

It's been over 3 years since I inked this permanently on my left wrist. Every day I've failed to live what it means, but that is not the end. Failure is not how this story ends. It's a daily struggle, with this promise giving me hope.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians3:20-21

Easter (Pascha)

O God,
who for our redemption gave your only-begotten Son
to the death of the cross,
and by his glorious resurrection
delivered us from the power of our enemy:
Grant us so to die daily to sin,
that we may evermore live
with him in the joy of his resurrection;
through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord,
who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever. Amen.

I believe Easter to be the most important of the Christian holidays, because upon the Resurrection of Christ rests all the tenets of Christianity. If Christ did not raise from the dead, then he was born, lived, and died, as a man, and not as God Incarnate. If He did not come back to life, then He did not conquer Hell and hold the keys of Hell in His possession. Greatly simplified, but yet true: If He does not live, then we cannot. 


Today is Easter, or Pascha for those who may appreciate liturgy. It is the end of the 40 day season of Lent, and the beginning of the season of Easter. A time of great rejoicing and celebration! A time to remember that He is no longer on the Cross, but rather He has risen (He has risen indeed!).  

Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, 

²so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God.  1 Peter 4:1-2

 I opened this entry with the Anglican collect for Easter. It is relatively short, but contains so much we need to remember for this amazing celebration. We cry out to God, our Sovereign Father who has made this possible. We remember that God's purpose and gift, that is offered to us, is redemption, made possible though the shedding of innocent blood. This is due to the Old Testament laws, where the forgiveness of sins is only made possible through blood. The only possible way to redeem humanity was unblemished perfection as a a sacrifice. Christ.

And, through His triumph over sin, over the powers of Hell, delivers and justifies us. The doctrine of justification- our new verdict, when our lives are not judged on the merits of our own sins and righteousness, but upon those of our Savior. Our enemy is two-fold, our own sin nature which before we were enslaved to, and the power of the devil to whom we were in bondage before being freed.

Our response should then be to live, now that we have been truly given life. We are no longer a being who is held captive to our human desires and our passions. Christ finished and conquered sin. It is no longer our chief desire or our aim. This then, should be our calling, our desire to live! To live with joy! An exhilarating freedom, because He is no longer on the cross. He has made the payment, once and for all. He is alive, and in Heaven reigning with the Father and the Holy Spirit, the blessed Trinity.

Praise be to Him on high. Live with purpose, joy, thankfulness, confidence: your life has been bought at a price, and, my fellow Christians, you are free.