Summary of Sept-Jan

This is the obligatory post that says "I haven't blogged since... July? August? who knows when, and now I'm back." You'll notice that I left out that I'm sorry I left it so sadly neglected.

The fact is, that when real life gets too busy to chronicle it in the digital life, that may be a sign to pay attention to reality. Notably, so many things are worth recording, and sharing- and there are many things I wish I had! But I am not that great at juggling so many things, so I had to choose.

So, what happened since my last post?

She always wanted to see lava in Hawaii,
so my dad took her there last Christmas. 

- September: I visited my mom in Colorado, didn't go so well. Ended up having to leave early and returned discouraged and frustrated. Once I returned, a major opportunity opened and I became a small group leader for young women in our church. We currently meet Wednesday's in Jason and my apartment. The immense joy, growth, and blessing that comes from this is beyond words, and clearly beyond summarizing.

-October: my grandmother, Lois; passed away from a heart attack and stroke. I flew up to Alaska just in time to be with her and family when she died, and to help take care of some of her affairs. I learned a lot about the legal and medical side of death, and again witnessed the further evidences of my family being broken apart.

-November: Celebrated a relatively quiet month- meaning no flying and relatively no travel. Had a very nice Thanksgiving with friends and their family. Meanwhile, my parents divorce was scheduled to be finalized literally the day before Thanksgiving, and due to my mother having to go the emergency room- did not finalize.

-December: My father's Christmas gift to Jason and I were tickets to Alaska. So for Christmas and New Year's we got to fly there and spend time with my dad's side of the family, whom Jason had never met- since he had never been to Alaska and none of them were able to come to our wedding. It was a love/hate trip: I was so excited to see family and to show Jason Alaska, which will always have a part of my heart. I am tied to that place more than any place on this earth, though these past two years have been God growing me; to the extent that saying I am tied to any place on this earth really doesn't mean much anymore. And yet the trip was one of the most stressful I have ever experienced, as continued sin leads to pain,  hurt, discouragement, anger, frustration, brokenness, blindness, stubbornness, and further destruction of my family.

-January: Jason and I returned home to Chicago, both remarking on the miracle that Chicago is, indeed home for us. We returned exhausted, struggling to recover from the emotional and physical weariness, and yet full of joy. Returning to our church, our friends (mainly from our small groups)- was the most encouraging thing that could have helped us. Once again, God was clear in that our time here in Chicago is focusing on our growth, His process of sanctification in our lives and that our church is why we are here. We've been unpacking, sleeping, working. This weekend Matthew, Jason's younger brother is in town visiting so they can attend our church's Men's Conference together- what a blessing!

Reading those posts, it sounds so incredibly- without hope or without joy. And I need to be absolutely clear that that is not the case! The past few months have been busy, full, sometimes with good and often with pain. However, through them we have only seen more and more of how faithful God is. That He has revealed Himself to us in new ways; His truth, provision (financially, with mentors and leaders, a church body that constantly convicts, edifies, encourages and prays for us, with friends who help us) and most of all: that He has lead us through all of it. Scripture tells us that life is difficult, that we will have trials! And that these are to grow our faith.

I can testify that my faith is growing. I know that through every single painful conversation, through every single incredibly awkward moment, through the bleak state of things- that God is with me, and is bringing me through all. I know that He is building in me a powerful testimony that I have faith will be used to inspire and help others, just as He used others to help and inspire me.

 I know that Jason and I would not trade these months for anything.
I'd also like to share the testimony of a guy I go to church with. May it bring you hope and remind you of the power of the God we serve.


God at Work - Alex Callaway from Harvest Bible Chapel on Vimeo.

Analysis...

I'm new at this. I'm not known for my skill in correctly using the English language, both in speech and in writing. But I'm willing to give it a try.

I'm someone who thinks that self-analysis should be a constant thing, but because I'm a Christian I also believe that the standards we're held to are found in Scripture. That being said, New Years is my favorite holiday. I grew up in a home that was very chaotic, culminating in high school years that I still haven't dealt with completely. Summarized it involved a my parents broken marriage, addictions of family members to heavy narcotics and alcohol (don't ever mix them) and enduring physical and psychological abuse throughout high school. It tore my family apart, and left me with deep scars, a few physical but mainly emotional and psychological. Because of that, I have pretty strong negative associations with traditional family holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. So during those painful times, when I felt utterly alone, I claimed New Years as my own. The ray of hope over things I'd like to leave behind.




I love Christian holidays. But it was New Years that back then when I decided that it represented hope. I clung to it rather desperately, seeing it as the celebration as that same nerdy feeling of a blank journal or perfect piece of notebook paper. Celebrating change, especially because at one point in my life, the only hope I had was that things would change someday. My best friend at the time told me that one day I'd be able to look back on this part in life and realize that God sustained me, and got me through it.

So here I am. It's January, and I'm alive. And New Years is still my favorite holiday, because it reminds me of my personal battles that God has fought for me. And, I'm one of those way-too-annoying people who loves self-analysis. New Years is one of the few times in the year when I get to share that with people around me, even extended to complete strangers. It's a season of reflection and change. And having meaningful discussions, sometimes even if it seems obvious that they won't work to establish and seek out any new goals for the coming year.

Finally, I have to say that New Years is one day. But this should be a daily thing- self-examination, and seeking to become who we should be. But it's only truly celebrated on one day of the year. So this year- I hope to be able to follow this post with goals described and then completed. I don't see life as one big checklist, but it helps me put things in perspective.