Things you need in a friend.

One of the many things I love about being a Christian is that it's so unifying. To a Christian, the most important thing and person in our lives is Jesus Christ, and the bond between people who love Jesus doesn't matter if they've ever met before. 


We all stand equal in God's eyes, no matter how long we've been a Christian, no matter what we've done in the past or will do in the future, our backgrounds, our circumstances, nothing puts us on better or worse standing in the presence of God, and in His church. 

Tonight I had the lovely experience to gain a new Christian friend, who reminded me in so many ways of how precious friends are. A true friend is one who loves; one who sees your triumphs and failures and still loves you completely out of the grace of Jesus Christ. And you don't have to have known people for a very long time to know if the love of Jesus is the driving power in their life. 
And, if it is- it's a wonderful foundation of a friendship. When you have in common the most important thing your life, the things you may not have in common are far less important or divisive. Age, culture, education, careers, even language barriers! etc- far less essential than knowing, loving and following Jesus and serving Him. 


 Being focused on the world to come puts this temporary world in the correct perspective. Christian friends help you keep that focus. Seek them out! They are so valuable, and essential. We cannot fervently follow Christ by ourselves: we need accountability, encouragement, and to work together for His kingdom. 

Lord, keep our eyes heavenwards as you direct our hands and feet towards this world. 

2011

2010 was a super awesome year for a lot of reasons :) I got married, I graduated college, moved away from Michigan, got to take two super awesome roadtrips, one with my friend Victoria last January and one with my husband as our honeymoon. I've grown in old relationships, formed new ones, joined a fantastic church and have seen God's plan directly unfold in many areas of our lives. That's jaw dropping.

Marine core issued K-bar: best wit Jiffy Peanut Butter in a Camry.
That's dedication. We later slept in my car in 9 degrees in the back of a
truck stop somewhere by the border of Oklahoma. 

2010 had lots of valleys as well. Both my own parents and my in-laws marriages quickly unraveled and are now in divorce proceedings. My friend Daniel Parker was killed in a tragic biking accident right after I got married. Moving and living in Chicago has been a difficult transition for me.


I'm a big believer in goals. Goals give us framework, perspective, understanding, aspirations. They give us hope- knowing that we are not condemned to make the same mistakes as the past; as a Christian I believe that we're enabled through the power of God to become more and more the person we should be, something worth rejoicing over. Goals are a healthy part of everyday life: organization, structure, time management.


This past January 1st I looked back at some of my 2010 goals, and pondered how the year had unfolded.  This year I plan on posting them here: constant review, reminders, encouragement. My goals for 2011 are as follows:


1) Be consistently growing in the Lord:
-daily, meditative time in the Scripure.
-weekly memorization.
-intense times of prayer of thanks, adoration, petition.
-study of Christian biographies
     - Hudson Taylor, Dietrich Bonhoiffer, Jim Elliot
-read the Bible in 1 year, and have a journal that goes along with each day for my notes/thoughts/prayers. (so far, so good!)
-Grow in expression of the fruits of the Spirit: especially love, patience, joy.
-Be a better servant: be more gracious rather than harsh and judgmental.


2) Be a better wife:
   -be less demanding
   -be eager to serve instead of reluctant
   -esteem my husband more in the little things
   -pray for Jason more faithfully

This is super creepy. 

3) Get Healthy:
   - cut out sweets
   - go to the gym, learn pilates to do at home
   - take a gym class at the YMCA, meet people there
   - blog my journey (my other blog post, related to my PCOS       syndrom is here)
   - my goal is to lose 40 pounds this year.


4) Encourage my friends and family more.
5) Take time to record important times and memories, through scrapbooks or albums
6) Write out my testimony more fully than its present state
7) Blog more frequently

96% Complete! So Close. 

8) Go to North Dakota (this will leave Hawaii as my last state I've never been to!!)
9) Consolidate our stuff, declutter our belongings, including the stuff I have in Alaska
10) Learn more crafty, useful things
11) learn to play chess and other skill games
12) Organize photo albums and recipe boxes






Also, here is my current list of things I'd love to do in my lifetime. I made this about 2.5 years ago, and it changes over time. The ones in smaller print are ones that I've removed- they just aren't important to me anymore. I might still enjoy doing them, but not something I'd really to seek doing.

✓ Graduate from college

-work in some medium at a prison

-go to Jerusalem

-get my other tattoo designed and inked

✓get married

-go back to Vegas

-be in Times Square for New Years

-see all of 50 states

-go scuba diving

-Wall of China

-have a godly family

-Sing Wicked

-go back to Nome, Alaska

✓drive to Alaska

-see my goddaughter love God

-do missions work

-go back to Prague

-go to Ireland

-backpack around Europe with my husband

-go to Russia

-get a professional camera and learn to take better photos

-see the tombs in Egypt

-Visit every major city in USA

-learn another language

-meet David Berkowitz

-meet a spy

-see my children defend Christ

-worship God in other cultures

-go to my friends' weddings

-see Brylie grow up

-see someone die peacefully

-see someone born

-see Falldorf, Germany

-meet the German Falldorf's

✓be a virgin on my wedding day

-skydiving

-hold a tarantula

✓have sex

✓have faith

-witness a miracle

-be free of worldly possessions

-see all of the Louvre

-go to the top of the Eiffel Tower

-meet a child sponsored

-help establish a church

-hold a bat

-go to a Broadway in NYC

-drive a convertible across Utah

-go to Berlin

-go back to Normandy

-Scrapbook things that are important

-be able to follow and submit joyfully

-learn how to really ride a horse

-show true thankfulness

-Research Columbine and other school shootings

-Visit Cathedrals around the world: Cologne, Barcelona, Chicago, Avignon

-Do urban ministry

-have a saltwater aquarium

-Host a student ministry small group

✓learn how to make amazing salsa

✓be daily convicted by my husband

-visit a giant tree house

-ride a gondola in Venice

-white water rafting

-Change someone's life

-swim with a dolphin

-ride a different city's metros/subways for hours to people-watch

-swim in the Mediterranean

-visit the famous castles of Europe

-learn how to milk a cow

-travel by hot air balloon

-see the Hollywood sign

-participate in Evensong in Westminster Abbey

-Memorize a good deal of the New Testament

Soap Opera's are believable.

There are about 15 blog posts that I've started, saved to draft, and left linger in the dashboard screen- not yet ready to complete them.  A lot has happened in the past two and a half months- physical, emotional, mental changes, some of which seemed to come out of nowhere with tremendous force. Life is full of pendulums.


 A friend of mine from high school recently said something that will stick with me: 

 Sin's first lie is not that something bad is good, but that something good can replace God. 

About two weeks after Jason and I returned from our honeymoon, some family drama erupted, and hasn't really been quiet since. Not going into details, but I can say for 100% that I will never make fun of sitcoms for having unbelievable plot lines. Those kind of things DO happen to real people, and they CAN happen in that fast of a timeline.  Heavy hitting stuff- the kind of permanent damage that splits families, isolates individuals, initiates serious soul searching, or the opposite of serious denial and running away. Stuff that has roots in sin lasting longer than 10 years. 

Seriously: These are now totally believable. Who knew? I wonder if they have real

 people send in their tragic life stories for plot ideas. 

I'm someone who sees things in fairly black and white. Right and wrong. 
Unfortunately, that usually means I'm a judgmental jerk. How easy it is for me to focus on the cup half empty. 
Hence I am struggling, because: 

Never before have I seen, so directly- the consequences of unwise choices. 

Never before have I seen so obviously illustrated the power of sin, and that it truly leads to destruction. 

Never have I been more convinced of how essential it is to hold people accountable, to ask the hard questions-to have people in your life who will ask you the hard questions. People who will follow up,  invested in your life and desiring results. Being active instead of passive. 

So knowing that these things are in fact, so important, and life changing, how do you both act in the love of Christ- being Christian charity, having mercy, and forgiveness, and yet truly valuing seeking the Lord, and what is glorying to Him?


Paul says in Romans that we should not sin that grace may abound- not taking advantage of the grace that Christ offers. Sin matters to God. Making the most of our time matters to God. Being wise matters. And far too often seeing the standard that the Lord has called us to, so that we may be worthy of His name- is fairly easily discerned. 


One of my favorite books is The Best Question Ever. I read it perhaps my sophomore or junior year in high school, and since all the recent family drama have come back to reading it. It dramatically changed my life- causing me to examine how I approached every area of my life, and why I did so. It is why I can say I have had few regrets from finishing that book until now. Every regret, or mistake I have made-could have been avoided had I followed what I learned in that book. 


The book simply elaborates on one of my favorite passages of Scripture, Ephesians 5:16-17. 
      Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 


The best question ever is this: What is the wise thing to do? 


So many people plan their lives, with goals, ambitions- we all have some idea of what we want our lives to amount to. But too often people get trapped in relationships, debt, and sins- because they didn't plan not to. 


Relationships are probably the easiest area to see the consequences of unwise choices. Everyone has seen it. Guy meets girl, there is attraction, but some underlying issues where it's fairly obvious that A- no sort of relationship should be pursued, B- they should wait to pursue a relationship. For any number of reasons- one isn't single, one has some sort of personal drama or growth needed, etc. For Christians a reason would be if one is not a believer.
But how does it play out? If there is no plan to NOT fall into deeper attraction, or deeper emotional involvement, then our hearts lead us astray. Our spare moments seem to be always around the other person, and sooner or later, we realize we crossed a line somewhere. 


 Fill in the same scenario with whatever you wish; pride, drugs, alcohol, jobs, etc. It's why so often people who hang out with people with bad habits pick up and incorporate those same habits. The point remains the same- choices matter, and small choices add up pretty fast. The way to best get where you want to be and avoid where you don't is to plan and live with wisdom. 


People who are serious about becoming a better person, by any standard- or also a better Christian, pay attention to who they spend their time with. They seek out people of integrity, and make an earnest attempt to examine their own lives. 


I'd rather have friends who are concerned with the living with wisdom, both in their lives and in mine. I married a man who won't let me get away with things, and who listens to me when I call him out as well. 


Relationships are an essential part of human life. They are some of the most influential aspects as well. Keeping close watch on who you allow to influence you is incredibly worthwhile. 


I don't usually end these things with a question- I'd rather treat a blog as my own personal venue for sharing things I've learned- the hard way or the easy way, but to any who may read this, I'd greatly appreciate your input. 


would you share any advise? For living with wisdom, for holding yourself to a godly standard, and also for how to handle the balance of holding others to standards but doing so out of love?  How to not get discouraged? how to encourage? how to not be judgmental?