Summary of Sept-Jan

This is the obligatory post that says "I haven't blogged since... July? August? who knows when, and now I'm back." You'll notice that I left out that I'm sorry I left it so sadly neglected.

The fact is, that when real life gets too busy to chronicle it in the digital life, that may be a sign to pay attention to reality. Notably, so many things are worth recording, and sharing- and there are many things I wish I had! But I am not that great at juggling so many things, so I had to choose.

So, what happened since my last post?

She always wanted to see lava in Hawaii,
so my dad took her there last Christmas. 

- September: I visited my mom in Colorado, didn't go so well. Ended up having to leave early and returned discouraged and frustrated. Once I returned, a major opportunity opened and I became a small group leader for young women in our church. We currently meet Wednesday's in Jason and my apartment. The immense joy, growth, and blessing that comes from this is beyond words, and clearly beyond summarizing.

-October: my grandmother, Lois; passed away from a heart attack and stroke. I flew up to Alaska just in time to be with her and family when she died, and to help take care of some of her affairs. I learned a lot about the legal and medical side of death, and again witnessed the further evidences of my family being broken apart.

-November: Celebrated a relatively quiet month- meaning no flying and relatively no travel. Had a very nice Thanksgiving with friends and their family. Meanwhile, my parents divorce was scheduled to be finalized literally the day before Thanksgiving, and due to my mother having to go the emergency room- did not finalize.

-December: My father's Christmas gift to Jason and I were tickets to Alaska. So for Christmas and New Year's we got to fly there and spend time with my dad's side of the family, whom Jason had never met- since he had never been to Alaska and none of them were able to come to our wedding. It was a love/hate trip: I was so excited to see family and to show Jason Alaska, which will always have a part of my heart. I am tied to that place more than any place on this earth, though these past two years have been God growing me; to the extent that saying I am tied to any place on this earth really doesn't mean much anymore. And yet the trip was one of the most stressful I have ever experienced, as continued sin leads to pain,  hurt, discouragement, anger, frustration, brokenness, blindness, stubbornness, and further destruction of my family.

-January: Jason and I returned home to Chicago, both remarking on the miracle that Chicago is, indeed home for us. We returned exhausted, struggling to recover from the emotional and physical weariness, and yet full of joy. Returning to our church, our friends (mainly from our small groups)- was the most encouraging thing that could have helped us. Once again, God was clear in that our time here in Chicago is focusing on our growth, His process of sanctification in our lives and that our church is why we are here. We've been unpacking, sleeping, working. This weekend Matthew, Jason's younger brother is in town visiting so they can attend our church's Men's Conference together- what a blessing!

Reading those posts, it sounds so incredibly- without hope or without joy. And I need to be absolutely clear that that is not the case! The past few months have been busy, full, sometimes with good and often with pain. However, through them we have only seen more and more of how faithful God is. That He has revealed Himself to us in new ways; His truth, provision (financially, with mentors and leaders, a church body that constantly convicts, edifies, encourages and prays for us, with friends who help us) and most of all: that He has lead us through all of it. Scripture tells us that life is difficult, that we will have trials! And that these are to grow our faith.

I can testify that my faith is growing. I know that through every single painful conversation, through every single incredibly awkward moment, through the bleak state of things- that God is with me, and is bringing me through all. I know that He is building in me a powerful testimony that I have faith will be used to inspire and help others, just as He used others to help and inspire me.

 I know that Jason and I would not trade these months for anything.
I'd also like to share the testimony of a guy I go to church with. May it bring you hope and remind you of the power of the God we serve.


God at Work - Alex Callaway from Harvest Bible Chapel on Vimeo.

Honoring parents: when it's difficult

I know that I have lots of things to catch up on with this blog, and I am thrilled to be entering fall, a season of (hopefully) less travel so I can have some time at home. 
However, I wanted to post about something the Lord has been teaching me this past year; along with how to be more loving, more gracious- more generous. The prompt was a blog post from my pastor, James Macdonald, found here. It's on honoring your parents; something with which I've always struggled. 

It's also been an issue that I've seen continually come up in my women's small group; the puzzle of honoring parents, even when they're in sin; or aren't Christians, so their counsel may not always be best or wise. What does it look like to disagree with your parents but still honor them, and honor Christ? 
His article helped clarify some of those things, at least for me. 


First he starts out with what it doesn't mean- and I hurt for individuals who have been wounded by their parents; physically or psychologically, or even taken advantage of financially. I personally know quite a few people who have had to deal with serious things because of their parents: and then wondered, how can I still be honoring to the Lord? How can I love my mother or father without enabling them? Or without putting myself at risk? 

First, honoring our parents does not mean to go back groveling and seeking their approval (again). Children need to get freed from my-parents’-approval bondage.

Secondly, it does not mean to make yourself vulnerable to their hurtful behavior. Sometimes appropriate boundaries between children and abusive parents are necessary. But the need for that boundary does not free us from the obligation of honoring our parents. 

Thirdly, honoring our parents does not mean ignoring or denying the past.  

At the end of the day; this is what I have really learned, and what I hope to hold fast to. 

It means choosing to place great value upon our relationship with them. It means not kidding myself into thinking that my parents don’t matter to me. It involves taking the initiative to improve the relationship whatever its current condition. And it means recognizing what they have done right. You say, “They haven’t done a lot right.” They have done something right, even if it’s little more than giving you life (that’s big). So, express that recognition. Acknowledge the sacrifices that they have made for you. Honoring includes seeing them as Christ does, with compassion and mercy. It means forgiving them as Christ has forgiven you.

This past year one of the key verses that I've returned to time and time again has come from 

How will they know unless we show them? 

2 Timothy 1: 6-7: " Therefore, I remind you to keep ablaze the gift of God that is in you through the laying on of my hands: For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment." 
 Through the power of the Holy Spirit alive within me: I have a supernatural capacity for love. I draw my capability for human interaction not from myself! It's not coming from my own strength or energy, but rather the Holy Spirit is the gap between what God calls and desires of me, and what I can do on my own. 


Through studying this, and earnestly seeking to be a more loving person- I have seen my heart be changed. I feel like I have been freed from a callous and jaded temperament, and am able to really serve now. I can get out of the way, when my human and wicked desires prompt me to be cruel or self-serving, or even to react focusing on my hurt when wronged. 


Again, it comes back to the perspective of how to live: Glorifying our Savior, Jesus Christ. In All things. 


" Now the end of all things is near; therefore: be clear headed and disciplined for prayer. Above all, keep your love for one another at full strength, since love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Based on the gift they have received, everyone should use it to serve others, as good managers of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, his speech should be like the oracles of God; if anyone serves, his service should be from the strength God provides, so that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To Him belong the glory and power forever and ever. Amen. " 

1 Peter 4:7-11

This Saturday I am flying to Colorado to see my mom! First time I have seen her since my wedding, nearly a 1 1/2 years ago. She's had some rather serious health issues, and is having a knee surgery in Denver. I'll have the privilege to help her out after her surgery, hopefully to encourage her, help her recover, but more importantly; honor her and honor Christ. I go knowing that I will be strengthened to do this by the same God that wants me to do it. He is always faithful. 

day 04 - a song that makes you sad

Song Challenge: A Song that makes me Sad.

What is more sorrowful than to see suffering, and to see false hope offered? 

 "Sing for the Moment" Eminem. 


This is a song I can't recommend you listen to, mainly because of the language content. I found it in a time in my life when language in music didn't bother me that much, which I'm finding I can't say anymore.


But I'll stand by my assessment of the accuracy of this songs lyrics. I may not have a ton of respect for Eminem, but I will say that I have no doubt that he loves Detroit, will work for that city to be great again, and that he has a great amount of musical talent, especially lyrically. 


It's a song about brokenness. About inner city kids struggling to have hope, and not sure who or what to turn to. How being a rapper is a business while also finding that he's an idol for these kids who have nothing else to cling to but knowing someone got out- someone could do it. 

I guess words ..... they can be great

Or they can degrade, or even worse they can teach hate

It's like these kids hang on every single statement we make

Like they worship us, plus all the stores ship us platinum

Now how the **** did this metamorphosis happen

From standin' on corners and porches just rappin'

To havin' a fortune, no more kissin' ***

They think there's nothing in their future. This song, more than many others, captures the essence of despair of not having hope.  It's  the American dream that happened for someone, but probably... not for them.

Only this gun, lonely cause don't anyone know me 

It's about music being part of your soul. About channeling some of the anguish, hurt, intense anger- all things that arise in broken homes. About not being able to trust anyone. About no one trusting you. 

He's a problem child

And what bothers him all comes out

when he talks about his ******' dad walkin' out

Cause he just hates him so bad that he blocks him out

If he ever saw him again he'd probably knock him out

About waiting for something to push one over the edge, and just wondering when. 


About the absence of peace. Entirely. 

In the land of the killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum 

It's also about responsibility- and attacks from the media holding rappers responsible for the violence in 
youth. Personally, I think there's both sides to that coin. But I won't argue with Eminem when he says

They say music can alter moods and talk to you
Well can it load a gun up for you , and cock it too
Well if it can, then the next time you assault a dude
Just tell the judge it was my fault and i'll get sued
See what these kids do is hear about us totin' pistols
And they want to get one cause they think the ***** cool
Not knowin' we really just protectin' ourselves, we entertainers
Of course the ***** affectin' our sales, you ignoramus
But music is reflection of self, we just explain it, and then we get our
checks in the mail

The song concludes with Eminem talking about why his influence is important- so those kids can see that someone did get out. That it's possible. That dreams can enter reality, and that their future isn't necessarily just like their present. 


That there's hope. 

That's why we sing for these kids, who don't have a thing

Except for a dream, and a *****' rap magazine

Who post pin-up pictures on their walls all day long

Idolize they favorite rappers and know all they songs

Or for anyone who's ever been through **** in their lives

Till they sit and they cry at night wishin' they'd die

Till they throw on a rap record and they sit, and they vibe

We're nothin' to you but we're the ******' **** in they eyes

That's why we seize the moment try to freeze it and own it, 

squeeze it and hold it

Cause we consider these minutes golden

And maybe they'll admit it when we're goneJust let our spirits live on,

 through our lyrics that you hear in our

songs and we can...  

So I give Eminem credit where credit is due. 

He writes with vibrance, shocking honesty, and he certainly knows how to reach people. He has a passion and energy for his city that I think is inspiring. He's not the only one. A good friend of mine, Dean, also has a passion for Detroit. Check out his journeys to providing real hope to Detroit here.  

Too bad Eminem's wishes are a waste. This song to me, will always represent the tragedy of the lost world. It's the perfect reminder of where we would be without Jesus Christ's sacrifice, and I think that's a perspective worth having (not that you should listen to the song to achieve that). 

There can be no hope without a Savior.  So this song makes me sad because it reminds me of how many young people are lost, hurt, angry, betrayed, and haven't turned to the Shepherd, the Healer, the Judge, and the Faithful, Almighty God. 

Wedding 2: Assyrian Ceremony and Reception

"Hey Jason, we have another wedding to go to this month- one of the girls from my small group is getting married."

"Ok- sounds good.   Details?"

"Well, for starters, it's Assyrian! Sunday, June 18th.

 Ceremony is at 1:30and the reception is at.... 6:30pm...huh..." 

"Why on earth would the reception be so much later than the ceremony?"

"I have no idea...." 

Thus began the adventure of the Assyrian Wedding. It was between the wedding of my very dear friend Grace and her fiance, Mark. Grace and I have had the pleasure of being in the same small group for the past year, and also in the same accountability group. We've shared praises, prayers, fears, sins, and more than anything, a deep love for God and His Word. I love, love, love her.


Ceremony
            The ceremony was not in the Assyrian church, so the only different things that I noticed were mainly in the audience, and also of course, the assyrian homily.  I'll comment first on the cultural differences I noticed, and then more importantly, on the ceremony. My apologies that some of the photos aren't very good quality. I didn't have the best seat for photo taking.


1) Far less attendee's than the reception. The reception had easily 2x the amount of people than the ceremony.


2) Assyrians and (middle easterners in general)  are a noisy bunch. Through talking to my friends at the wedding, they explained that it's not seen as rude to talk during processionals, or essentially when someone like the Pastor or couple are silent. So when Grace and Mark took communion together, everyone, including the Assyrian pastor and bridesmaids started chatting.


3) The wedding ceremony and reception are usually held with hours in between in middle eastern customs. Jason and I were surprised by this. That explained our queries at the beginning.

What I noticed...
a broadly smiling man waiting eagerly. It was clear to me that the other details of a wedding that might distract someone were far from his mind. He was excited to see his bride.







I noticed that each attendant, and the matron of honor (the older sister of one of the amazing girls in my small group)- couldn't stop grinning. That's usually true, it just seemed to really stand out to me in this processional. I can say from personal experience, that there are few things as happy and wonderful than getting to participate in a couple's wedding that you know are made for each other and that God made them that way. Sharing, as a witness to that Covenant, is simply wonderful.

I noticed that as Grace walked down the aisle, given away by her brother, she looked not only absolutely beautiful, but completely serene and so full of peace. And yet at the same time, she looked, well... impatient.  After all, I know her feelings on the day. Though her wedding and reception was well planned, and the guests wonderfully cared for, the day was not about those things. Though there was dancing, and fabulous food, and lots of music, it was about two people coming together before God, and being united through Him.


She wouldn't have cared if something had gone wrong, so long as she was able to marry Mark. Which, she did. :) Yet ready as she was to be a married woman, she took everything in stride, at a pace that was appropriate. She delicately walked down the aisle.

 During the ceremony, I noticed how Grace and Mark sometimes fell into almost forgetting that others were around. Their eyes were for each other, offering smiles and joy- or, as the Assyrian homily said (from what I could gather) and the grace of God to each other. They were talking to each other, laughing at each other, simply enjoying every moment of a very busy and long day. 

I noticed how the Pastor joked how they had already joined hands, because it was so obvious to everyone that there was not an option of not holding each others hands throughout the ceremony. No letting go. 

One of my most favorite photos I was able to get from my middle of the row seat was this one. It captures what their wedding was all about. Submitting, surrendering, coming before Almighty God through the power of the Cross. And, the cross was far more important, and far more emphasized, than either of them. 

They were vessels of God's glory that day. And, I am sure- in the days to come. I am so proud to say that  like the last wedding I went to, it was an event to share the Gospel, proclaim Truth, and to point people to Jesus. 

What higher purpose is there? 

They were charged with no higher calling than to be worthy of the name of Christ. To be His love to each other. To love as Christ demonstrated. To submit. 

There was humor. Grace is a wide variety of facial expressions. 

I love all of them. 

This is an expression I saw many, many times that night. 

So many times I saw her look like at him with an expression that I can guess at. It's one I have a lot too, but especially when Jason reads the Bible to me, or we confess sins to each other. Or when we're in church together. Or when he tells me that soon I'll get a kitty. 

best friend. 

admiration. 

trust. 

respect that has been earned through many trials. 

absolute security. 

faith. 

hope and expectations for the future. 

to name a few facets. 

I loved seeing them pray together. 

From talking to Grace, I know that's a habit of theirs, a good one. 

They had special music, Steven Curtis Chapman's song "I Will Be Here." Mark sang all the words to his wife, though only she could hear. 

Reception
   A few quick photos of the setting... and the cake :)

Now I have to say that I was thrilled to go to this reception. I'd been told by the girls in my small group some of the Assyrian traditions, like the assyrian wedding scarves. I hope to make them at some point, it would be a wonderful experience and project.  

Here are some more photos of them that I could find. It was surprisingly difficult to find on the internet. I did however, find the most amusing video of an old white man doing a "wedding napkin dance."  I had to share. 

So I knew that the women would dance with those scarves, which make a ton of noise. The men dance with canes that have beads all over them as well. 

 Here, the women were getting ready for something: The entrance of the King and Queen of the night, as I found out- as soon as the bride and groom entered.


As soon as they entered, they were swallowed.


That's what I could describe it anyways. They were immediately surrounded by dancing women, doing a traditional wedding entrance dance, called the Khigga.  As mentioned prior, the women danced with yalekhta, the men copala.  They entered, also dancing enthusiastically, dancing all the way to their cake, where they cut it together. 


It then turned into a giant line dance. This line dance wove around tables, in and out of the reception doors, always moving. Led by the guy holding the large copala, he was a great dancer. 


The music and dancing was wonderful to watch, though hard to figure out. The step pattern was a mix of side to sides and front to backs, all in a left left then right right left left right left right constantly switching. Over the night Jason seemed to kind of get the hang of it, I just... well, faked it. In my defense, at least I tried it, and I did have a ton of fun, but I couldn't tell who to follow, and I couldn't see people's steps half the time. It was not ideal learning conditions. 


Eventually the bride and groom made it to their table, where they continued to dance and clap along while the guests line danced all over the place. 


What I noticed... 


Mark is not Assyrian. But aside from not looking the role, you wouldn't have known that. He certainly seemed to enjoy the dances and festivities just as much if not more than any Assyrian there. He also knew his stuff.  He had clearly put in time and effort. 


I know from Grace that he's been learning the language, not only speaking it, but also reading and writing, which some of my Assyrian small group ladies can't even do. Impressive, for many reasons, two being... 


1) It's always difficult to understand, let alone embrace and participate in a culture that is not your own. 


2) Mark went the extra mile here, more than any of us can probably ever know. I know that it was not an easy integration of two families, Grace's background being Assyrian, his being Korean. Some took marrying outside of the Assyrian "clan" as not right, and rather than give up, or make Grace shoulder all the burden of mediating between her husband and her culture, he is making so many important (and cool) aspects of her culture his. 


I've only met him once. At the wedding.  But you don't have to know a person for a grand amount of time to tell some very fundamental things about them.  I know that Mark loves Jesus Christ. I know that Mark is striving (and succeeding I'd say) at loving her as Jesus loved the church. 


Most Awesome Part of Reception
   How can I tell those things? Apart from witnessing them together, the praises Grace has given me over the months? One large indicator was one of the coolest things I've ever seen at a wedding. 


After the toasts and well wishes from his father, and the best man and matron of honor, the MC announced that Mark would like to address the guests. He and Grace stood together... and he promised to only speak for 2 minutes. 


They thanked the guests... and then said that they wanted to share something with us, and had agreed that now was the time to do it. 


The union they had just covenanted became so clear in this moment. 


With Mark leading, and speaking the words they both had chosen and whole heartedly believed together, they shared the Gospel. The Truth of Scripture. The love of Jesus Christ. The Good News. He said he knew there were lots of different faiths and belief systems in the room, but that God had revealed Himself in the Bible, and wanted sinners to be reconciled with Him. 


To be honest, I don't remember the exact points that they shared. I remember with absolute clarity the feeling that I was bursting with pride over my friends (Mark and I were friends by the point, even though he probably still doesn't know it!) and their amazing testimony to our Savior. Myself, and the other members of my table, most of whom were all members of Harvest- heartily "Amen'd!" during his speech. It was not voluntary, but essential. We were told later that it gave them much needed encouragement. I was thrilled to be a help in such an awesome thing. 

Then came a few American traditions- the bride danced with her brother, and the groom then cut in. I was surprised that it was Rascal Flats for the first song, and a Christian song I didn't know for the second. I think I expected something Assyrian. 


I didn't know the words, but I caught many of them- it was about God's design in bringing two lives together. 
Mark knew all the words, and sang them to his wife. 


Congratulations to both of you!! I am proud to know such wonderfully vibrant, faithful people. I look forward to our next encounters with a ton of excitement, and knowing that our friendship is already built upon the best foundation.

Day 3: A song that makes you happy

Day 3: a song that makes me happy... 

There's a lot of them out there. A song for each mood actually. About (ages ago) I think a month? I endeavored to make mix cd's for whomever requested them first on my twitter and facebook pages (see, it's totally worth following my antics). I've since actually made progress, I promise to those waiting eagerly. There's so much music out there! So many songs that have touched my memory in specific ways, tied to experiences. 

This song is one that makes me happy, but I don't think I'd like it much if not for the lyrics. They are so true, so powerfully packed with things I need to constantly remember. That's what strikes me. And maybe happy is a misleading word, as so much thankfulness and awe at ou Savior. 

The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly, little lie
It didn't mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind

Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly
But the future's so far
My heart is so frail
I think I'd rather stay inside

But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life that I've ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
How You love me

It took more than my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find
All the reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And why do loved ones have to die?

But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life that I've ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

I am the thorn in Your crown But You love me anyway I am the sweat from Your brow But You love me anyway I am the nail in Your wrist But You love me anyway I am Judas' kiss But You love me anyway

See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh, God… how you love me

You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life that I've ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me