Honoring parents: when it's difficult

I know that I have lots of things to catch up on with this blog, and I am thrilled to be entering fall, a season of (hopefully) less travel so I can have some time at home. 
However, I wanted to post about something the Lord has been teaching me this past year; along with how to be more loving, more gracious- more generous. The prompt was a blog post from my pastor, James Macdonald, found here. It's on honoring your parents; something with which I've always struggled. 

It's also been an issue that I've seen continually come up in my women's small group; the puzzle of honoring parents, even when they're in sin; or aren't Christians, so their counsel may not always be best or wise. What does it look like to disagree with your parents but still honor them, and honor Christ? 
His article helped clarify some of those things, at least for me. 


First he starts out with what it doesn't mean- and I hurt for individuals who have been wounded by their parents; physically or psychologically, or even taken advantage of financially. I personally know quite a few people who have had to deal with serious things because of their parents: and then wondered, how can I still be honoring to the Lord? How can I love my mother or father without enabling them? Or without putting myself at risk? 

First, honoring our parents does not mean to go back groveling and seeking their approval (again). Children need to get freed from my-parents’-approval bondage.

Secondly, it does not mean to make yourself vulnerable to their hurtful behavior. Sometimes appropriate boundaries between children and abusive parents are necessary. But the need for that boundary does not free us from the obligation of honoring our parents. 

Thirdly, honoring our parents does not mean ignoring or denying the past.  

At the end of the day; this is what I have really learned, and what I hope to hold fast to. 

It means choosing to place great value upon our relationship with them. It means not kidding myself into thinking that my parents don’t matter to me. It involves taking the initiative to improve the relationship whatever its current condition. And it means recognizing what they have done right. You say, “They haven’t done a lot right.” They have done something right, even if it’s little more than giving you life (that’s big). So, express that recognition. Acknowledge the sacrifices that they have made for you. Honoring includes seeing them as Christ does, with compassion and mercy. It means forgiving them as Christ has forgiven you.

This past year one of the key verses that I've returned to time and time again has come from 

How will they know unless we show them? 

2 Timothy 1: 6-7: " Therefore, I remind you to keep ablaze the gift of God that is in you through the laying on of my hands: For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment." 
 Through the power of the Holy Spirit alive within me: I have a supernatural capacity for love. I draw my capability for human interaction not from myself! It's not coming from my own strength or energy, but rather the Holy Spirit is the gap between what God calls and desires of me, and what I can do on my own. 


Through studying this, and earnestly seeking to be a more loving person- I have seen my heart be changed. I feel like I have been freed from a callous and jaded temperament, and am able to really serve now. I can get out of the way, when my human and wicked desires prompt me to be cruel or self-serving, or even to react focusing on my hurt when wronged. 


Again, it comes back to the perspective of how to live: Glorifying our Savior, Jesus Christ. In All things. 


" Now the end of all things is near; therefore: be clear headed and disciplined for prayer. Above all, keep your love for one another at full strength, since love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Based on the gift they have received, everyone should use it to serve others, as good managers of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, his speech should be like the oracles of God; if anyone serves, his service should be from the strength God provides, so that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To Him belong the glory and power forever and ever. Amen. " 

1 Peter 4:7-11

This Saturday I am flying to Colorado to see my mom! First time I have seen her since my wedding, nearly a 1 1/2 years ago. She's had some rather serious health issues, and is having a knee surgery in Denver. I'll have the privilege to help her out after her surgery, hopefully to encourage her, help her recover, but more importantly; honor her and honor Christ. I go knowing that I will be strengthened to do this by the same God that wants me to do it. He is always faithful. 

What I want my life to be about...

I follow a lot of blogs through google reader. And I mean a lot. My favorites (besides my friends) are mainly pastors, teachers- Christians who are living the Gospel and making a true difference for our Lord and Savior. Backing what they say with how they live, and what they say is straight from Scripture. I love it.
I'm more and more convinced that the Lord is working greatly all around us, and we have to be actively alerting ourselves to what's going on, or we'll allow ourselves to be distracted by all the sin and pain in this world. There's hope out there too. God is working, God is constantly manifesting His glory, God is building His church. I'm a big fan of following what He's doing through social media and other more traditional mediums- and passing it on. If you follow me on google reader... you already know that, and I apologize.

This post touched me on such a purposeful, deep, longing- level that I had to share it in as many ways I could. Especially since the Lord has been actively preparing my heart, and my husbands for children, growing us, quite deliberately...

Foggy Boots and a Bible

Author: Pastor Mark Driscoll, Mars Hill Church in Seattle Washington.
Setting: part of a celebrating children theme at his church, highlighting Jesus's interaction with small ones. Given that Seattle is not a family-friendly city, it's Pastor Marks' goal to change that in many ways- reaching out to it's citizens... and just as much to make as many Christian families as possible. Win.
Characters: a story of Pastor Mark and his (at the time) two year old son, Zach.

Read the whole article, but here are some of my favorite sections.

In 50 years, who is going to preach the gospel in the city? Who is going to plant the churches that reach the new generations? Who is going to continue the work forward? That should be your grandkids. That should be my grandkids. Having children is not just about you getting your emotional needs met and having the perfect Christmas card photo where you all have matching hats. That’s not the Biblical point.

The Biblical point is you want your children to multiply fruitfully and to serve God and to extend his influence and to bring the good news of Christ from generation to generation. If the statistics are true and the majority of people that are having children these days are not Christians, who are not living in wisdom, then isn’t it going to be important that we send a lot of kids out there to connect with them and tell them about Jesus? It’s hugely important. It only takes one generation for a nation to go from Christian to post-Christian. 

The intro to his post is very convicting, especially in a culture where the decision to have kids is made selfishly: couples only wanting a few kids, deciding ahead of time to fashion their family how they want to, often without consulting God. I'm not against birth control across the board, but I'm definitely against many of the attitudes that go along with it. But that's not the point today- so going back to what we should want as Christians, as members of God's church, and as parents:

  I had one of the most encouraging experiences with my son, Zac, this week. It was magnificent. My son is a Bible freak. He reads the Bible at least an hour a day. He always wants to play act the Bible stories. One of us is Jonah. One of us is the whale. One of us is David. One of us is Goliath. One of us is Peter. One of us is John. We’re always playing some sort of story. And this week, I got up early with him and we had breakfast, read the Bible, and wrestled and played a little David and Goliath and he slew me, and then I had to get to work.

In order to avoid copy and pasting the whole article (just go read it!) what happened: Zach asked if he could come along with his father to help minister to a man in a hospital, who had no use of his lower body and had been in the hospital for quite some time. Keep in mind his son is just over two years old.

Zac looked at me and said, “Well, I wanna go, too.” I said, “Well, Zackie, I’m his pastor.” He said, “I’ll be his pastor.” I thought, God rebuke me. You’re right. He should go with me. So, I told him he could come with me, and he put on his froggy boots and grabbed his Bible.

This is how I want to raise my kids. I want my children to point directly to Jesus Christ; and for us to do ministry together and glorify God side by side. I want them to see their mommy and daddy doing things for people and to help too. I want them to love their Bible more than Curious George or Dr.Seuss (my favorite books as a child... and... still pretty awesome).

So they went off to the hospital... and sat with the man for an hour. Together...

...my son sat on my lap for about an hour. Two years old. No toys, no nothing, and we talked with this guy. A two year old boy. And he was sitting on my shoulders and hanging out. He was being obedient and attentive, and he was listening to all the things that the Lord was teaching this guy. And we got all done and I said, “Zac, you need to pray for him.” Zac said, “Okay.” He bowed his head, and quietly prayed that God would heal him and touch his feet, and touch his legs, and he was paying attention and he knew what to pray for. 

Leading by example.
Instilling children how to approach our loving, powerful God.
Learning from my children how to love God without my own baggage as an adult.
To have a pattern of interaction where it's all about God. To have my relationship with my children be about Jesus.

I believe this understanding of what family life could be like- what it should be like, can be or everyone, whether married or single, parenting or not. Even for those who may not be able to have children, for God gives us all opportunities to learn from each other, to teach others, to pass on the Gospel. No matter the circumstance, it's a model of what I want. It inspires me, and I'm not gonna lie, reading the article made me cry a little bit.

It reaches a desire within me that God Himself gave me.

We left and I looked at Zac and it was like he was a 20-year-old man. I mean, it was amazing, my little co-pastor. I took him out to lunch, and we sat at lunch, and he asked me questions for about a half hour on ministry. “Daddy, how often do you do this?” “What do you pray for?” “What parts of the Bible do you tell them?” “What if they’re not Christians?” He had all these great questions about how to be a pastor. I was just amazingly encouraged. I put him in the car and came home. I told Grace, “This is the like the best day I’ve ever had in my whole life.” It was amazing.

Don't you want this in your life? How could you not want that to be your family?