Honoring parents: when it's difficult

I know that I have lots of things to catch up on with this blog, and I am thrilled to be entering fall, a season of (hopefully) less travel so I can have some time at home. 
However, I wanted to post about something the Lord has been teaching me this past year; along with how to be more loving, more gracious- more generous. The prompt was a blog post from my pastor, James Macdonald, found here. It's on honoring your parents; something with which I've always struggled. 

It's also been an issue that I've seen continually come up in my women's small group; the puzzle of honoring parents, even when they're in sin; or aren't Christians, so their counsel may not always be best or wise. What does it look like to disagree with your parents but still honor them, and honor Christ? 
His article helped clarify some of those things, at least for me. 


First he starts out with what it doesn't mean- and I hurt for individuals who have been wounded by their parents; physically or psychologically, or even taken advantage of financially. I personally know quite a few people who have had to deal with serious things because of their parents: and then wondered, how can I still be honoring to the Lord? How can I love my mother or father without enabling them? Or without putting myself at risk? 

First, honoring our parents does not mean to go back groveling and seeking their approval (again). Children need to get freed from my-parents’-approval bondage.

Secondly, it does not mean to make yourself vulnerable to their hurtful behavior. Sometimes appropriate boundaries between children and abusive parents are necessary. But the need for that boundary does not free us from the obligation of honoring our parents. 

Thirdly, honoring our parents does not mean ignoring or denying the past.  

At the end of the day; this is what I have really learned, and what I hope to hold fast to. 

It means choosing to place great value upon our relationship with them. It means not kidding myself into thinking that my parents don’t matter to me. It involves taking the initiative to improve the relationship whatever its current condition. And it means recognizing what they have done right. You say, “They haven’t done a lot right.” They have done something right, even if it’s little more than giving you life (that’s big). So, express that recognition. Acknowledge the sacrifices that they have made for you. Honoring includes seeing them as Christ does, with compassion and mercy. It means forgiving them as Christ has forgiven you.

This past year one of the key verses that I've returned to time and time again has come from 

How will they know unless we show them? 

2 Timothy 1: 6-7: " Therefore, I remind you to keep ablaze the gift of God that is in you through the laying on of my hands: For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment." 
 Through the power of the Holy Spirit alive within me: I have a supernatural capacity for love. I draw my capability for human interaction not from myself! It's not coming from my own strength or energy, but rather the Holy Spirit is the gap between what God calls and desires of me, and what I can do on my own. 


Through studying this, and earnestly seeking to be a more loving person- I have seen my heart be changed. I feel like I have been freed from a callous and jaded temperament, and am able to really serve now. I can get out of the way, when my human and wicked desires prompt me to be cruel or self-serving, or even to react focusing on my hurt when wronged. 


Again, it comes back to the perspective of how to live: Glorifying our Savior, Jesus Christ. In All things. 


" Now the end of all things is near; therefore: be clear headed and disciplined for prayer. Above all, keep your love for one another at full strength, since love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Based on the gift they have received, everyone should use it to serve others, as good managers of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, his speech should be like the oracles of God; if anyone serves, his service should be from the strength God provides, so that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To Him belong the glory and power forever and ever. Amen. " 

1 Peter 4:7-11

This Saturday I am flying to Colorado to see my mom! First time I have seen her since my wedding, nearly a 1 1/2 years ago. She's had some rather serious health issues, and is having a knee surgery in Denver. I'll have the privilege to help her out after her surgery, hopefully to encourage her, help her recover, but more importantly; honor her and honor Christ. I go knowing that I will be strengthened to do this by the same God that wants me to do it. He is always faithful.